Thursday, 26 September 2013

3 Reasons You Didn't Want to be Employed Anyway.


It's pretty much common knowledge among students that it isn't easy to find a job right now. The state of the economy and them darn politicians are usually to blame and when you send your CV in to get rejected over and over again, it can get very disheartening. You begin to wonder if there's something wrong with you. Did you fill out your covering letter with a few too many, and just unrealistic white lies? Did you forget to wear deodorant to your interview? Did you at any point in the application process use Comic Sans font? 





But generally speaking, it's nothing you've done wrong and you never find out why you didn't get that job you were perfect for. That's the really depressing part. In answer to this, I think I've found a good filter to see these situations through. Are you ready?

YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE EMPLOYED ANYWAY.

As controversial as it sounds, sometimes the jobs you're going for really suck, and you didn't want to work there anyway. You're holding out for something better. You're waiting to find your calling. You're going to win the lottery. Any of these excuses will do, just remember - you didn't want to be employed anyway.

To help explain this, I've put together the 3 main reasons that you don't want to employed. The 3 main reasons why being branded unemployed is not so bad.

1. HEALTH AND SAFETY HAS ACTUALLY GONE BANANAS.

I was talking to a friend about a week ago and we were discussing work and places we'd worked in before. I brought up the fact that while at school, I'd worked part-time at local supermarket for some extra cash and to help get money together for going off to university. The one thing that stuck out for me, throughout all the years I worked there was the health and safety rubbish. Yes, rubbish.

I was thoroughly educated in the best way to use a stool. 

I'm not saying that all of it was useless. Of course it's important to know how to react in a fire, and how best to use large equipment that you could potentially hurt yourself with.

But seriously? Taking time out of my working day to teach me how to stand on a stool to reach the high shelves? I feel that if I'm old enough to be working, I'm old enough to understand that if I stand too far on one side of a stool, it's going to tip over, and I'm probably going to hurt myself. Common sense has been lost somewhat, I feel.




So one thing to tell yourself when you're sitting at home watching daytime telly, is that in your own home, you don't have to fill out a disclaimer for anything. No customers are going to sue you for something that was most likely their fault. You do not have to be constantly reacquainted with the fire exits. 

2. YOU GET SOME SERIOUSLY AWFUL WORK UNIFORMS

Have you ever walked into a restaurant or a shop of some sort, and thought that the employees must be paid a whole lot more than you are to wear the uniform they are?









Get what I mean? At least if you're unemployed, the closest you'll get to a uniform is putting trousers on before you leave the house. You can wear whatever you want when you're sitting on the couch, contemplating, philosophising, surfing the internet for cat pictures...

3. BOSSES CAN BE MEAN

Some bosses you get are the nicest people you'll ever meet. Some bosses will go out of their way to help you out and make sure you're happy in the workplace. Some bosses check up on you to make sure that you've had the right training and are confident in your job.

Other bosses do not give a toss. They offer minimal support, they make the job difficult by imposing unrealistic goals or rules and seem to think they are the biggest and the bestest. 




These other bosses are the worst. They make it miserable to be in the workplace and in my case give me so much rage that I just want to staple things to their smug faces. Not that I've actually done it. Yet.

So at least if you're at home gaming at 3pm on a Wednesday, you don't have a boss leering over your shoulder tellling you how to do your job even when they've never done that job themselves. At least if you're lounging in bed gorging on a Pot Noodle, you don't have to panic about the boss finding out that you've shredded the paperwork, or broken a jar of pasta sauce right in the middle of Aisle 3...

So the next time you get that polite letter in the post or the nicey-nice email in your inbox, telling you that you just aren't good enough and they've picked someone shinier and better, just remember, you didn't want that job anyway...